Tuesday, January 18, 2011

The New Starbucks Trenta Cup Is Bigger Than Your Stomach

The New Starbucks Trenta Cup Is Bigger Than Your Stomach

I am a bit amused that when I saw this my first reaction was not about the price of so much Starbuck's coffee, or the need. I guess that since I am now a bit older and wiser, my mind just went into overdrive with things like:

  • How much would you end up hurting your stomach lining by drinking so much strong coffee in one sitting?
  • Can anyone drink the whole thing before it goes cold?
  • How come it doesn't have a handle? Wouldn't it be too heavy?
  • What about the sleeve? Isn't this against Starbucks' mandate to be douche bags about being a green company? Will they charge companies to advertise in this much bigger sleeve?
  • How come the logos say Starbucks Coffee? Did the logo redesign got canned already?
  • Have the efficiency experts taken into account caffeine rage across the country as caffeine fiends wait extra because of the two douche bags ahead of the line that ordered the trenta half decaf four extra shot goat milk vanilla latte with unicorn fart sprinkles? 
  • Do these people even know what happens when a caffeine fiend is made to wait longer than usual for his coffee?
  • Have [insert car brand that douche bag hipsters drive] been told to produce cup holder inserts as needed so their douche bag hipster customers can safely drive with these things in the car? Notice I am only mentioning douche bag hipster car brands, all other cars in the US are already compatible with cups as big as a big gulp. 
  • How long before somebody discloses that "trenta" probably means "thirty" and not something more obscure/cool/whatever?