Saturday, January 15, 2011

The lies that trigger UPS anxiety

According to UPS, they redesigned their tracking page based on customer feedback. After seeing this, all I can think of is that they have a lot of fucking nerve to claim such a thing. Take a look at this:

Let's see...

  1. It shows the package on time. Of course it does! And when there's an exception for whatever reason, it will probably say "NEW arrival date is .... and still show it in time."
  2. "By end of day" is bullshit because it lets UPS cut down on their workforce and force the remaining drivers in the route to work longer hours. I haven't received a FEDEX package after 5 in almost a year, but UPS keeps showing up as late as 9:00 PM, which is a really long fucking stretch of the "End of day" statement.
  3. "Updated" timestamp is a placebo. Of course it will always show a current date/time, just don't expect UPS to poll their database every time you reload the page. Their tracking system is either queued, so you won't get up to date tracking information until the next batch, or they'll queue the website queries itself to avoid users bringing down the whole system by the constant reloading.
  4. "You asked for it, we delivered" is almost a cruel joke at the expense of all of us held hostage by this bullshit.
There are exactly THREE pieces of information in this status page that I consider accurate:
  1. This is the UPS tracking page.
  2. The package was sent from Las Vegas.
  3. The package destination is Reston, VA.
Everything else on screen is MBA or Marketing-driven bullshit designed to give UPS the illusion that they are listening to their customers, and attempting to make their customers feel empowered and/or hope that they stick with them instead of using USPS flat rate envelopes and boxes, or maybe UPS.

What really pisses me off about this is that I really like how I can create a shipping label online, print the damn thing and drop the box at the closest UPS store without having to make a line, talk to a dumbass at the counter, etc. The problem is that it creates so much frustration for the recipient that it is starting to become a choice only when I am sending something to a place of business, if it is a private address I may start considering that the USPS will be a less stressful choice (even if their tracking sucks too, but at least the USPS doesn't brag about all the MBA/Marketing bullshit enhancements to THEIR tracking).