Local asshole Skyler Berwin, 28, was granted world-class asshole status Saturday during a special ceremony held in recognition of detestable actions that were deemed beyond the pale even for a major-league asshole such as himself.

Local Asshole Attains World-Class Status | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source

I am really offended that I have never been contacted by the National North American Asshole Council, I feel as if my achievements in the field would have earn me at least a freakin certificate of merit by now.